THE REAL PRINCESS SHANGINGI

This your idea of a Shangingi?
You are not alone!

Princess Shangingi is in all practical respects a daughter of South Africa, let alone that the royal oat seed may have been borrowed from Eastern Africa, or from anywhere else in Africa and the world where the bare smattering of the Kiswahili language is understood.

I am not sure when the princess  was born, but she sure has been quite around even to the extent of others bestowing on her the status of a demi-deity.

I know too that every other country in the world has a sister for her.  I am not bothering about those countries for now: charity begins at home.

BLOG AUTHOR'S BRUSHES WITH PRINCESS SHANGINGI

Seeing that as a man married my best friends have always been women (most of the time my wives numbering two at the moment), I have, as you would have expected, ipso facto  had an above-average chance  of bumping into Princess Shangingi... and in fact bump into me did she... giving me a cold shoulder while at the same time (and much to her twisted logic) trying to befriend my broad-mindedness in matters of human relations, an open-mindedness that is clearly taken for docility in these quarters.

A fly on her wall would hear she who is a greatest believer in the occult say it to her own girl children:

"I gave Mrs Phiri the ingredients of that potion and from the look of things the magic is already scintillating here... a thoroughly-henpecked husband this Mr Phiri is now, his growls having been reduced to whines and his eyes too blinded to realize not in a snowball's chance in hell can his so-called three children be really his."

Mr Maziri Phiri? Or Mr Some-Other-Tanzanian Fellow?
Why should I care to ask myself such questions to the extent even of going for paternity tests when I know very well that when, on July 10, 2010 he was born in Tanzania like the elder sister, I was long resident in my homeland South Africa?  All I know is that he is my son from my legally-wedded wife and I will do every thing in my power to raise my son as my son, Shangingi stories or not! Hence sayeth a Tswana-speaking maternal cousin of mine (one Mr Nyathela): "The trap you set in order to catch bird for your dinner cannot suddenly be cursed for catching a rodent instead for it's your trap, your trapping, and therefore your rodent"
(a February 2013 picture of Mr Maziri Phiri, Blog Author's second born child and first-born son)

Is this Xhosa-speaking Miss Thoko Yonana or she is Siswati -speaking Miss Thoko Phiri? As the father, why should I care about the prattling of Princess Shangingi back in September 1993 when Thoko was conceived who was the first to suggest (and later quasi-confirmed by girl's mother and my wife) 'a certain APLA Officer Yonana was having a whale of a time falling in love with Mrs Phiri'. I BELIEVE THOKO IS MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE I DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER FOR HER AS MY DAUGHTER; BESIDES, HE MOTHER WAS MARRIED TO ME WHEN SHE WAS BORN.  I AIN'T GOING FOR ANY PATERNITY COZ I AIN'T CRAZY. Princess Shangingi is!
(a February 2013 picture of Miss Mertho Matanje Phiri, born 30 June 1994 in Tanzania, Iringa)

February 2013 picture of the native-Tanzanian mother of the two Phiri children, Mrs Leonilde Phiri. But did this woman double-cross the man in the picture below in order to beget any or both of the two children? WHO WANTS TO KNOW BEYOND THE CURIOSITIES OF SHANGINGI?

Blog Author Phiri: a man too worried to face the truth via paternity tests? Or a man truly believing in fatherhood being a bringing-up responsibility rather than fertilization act on some hapless woman's ovum?

Despite our mutual  familiarity with each other, I still have no clue how Princess Shangingi was brought up; she is as much of an enigma to me as she finds me thoroughly-pliable guinea pig to her potion Swahili-limbwata/Sotho-korobela/Nguni-gobondela as 'husband-taming' potions would be called in countries like South Africa, Swaziland, Lesotho, Zimbabwe, Botswana, Mozambique, Democratic Republic of Congo, Tanzania, Kenya, Rwanda, Burundi, Uganda and any other land where the utilization of the Sotho Languages, the Zulu/Xhosa/Swati and the Swahili each have even the most superficial of a rooting.

Even my ideas as to how this woman reasons can never be taken by someone who dislikes hazards.  It would seem I am not alone standing in this dark; but I may well be standing alone in my own sheer incredulity over her real power, particularly where the supernatural is being evoked and elevated to such a potency that my reasoning faculties as a husband will be thereby controlled, my libido too.  I so happen for example to reason that men who have felt impotent in the face of a cheating wife were so blunted never by any witchcraft but by the trouble (inclusive of drugging her into believing the one and only earthly heaven is not a mere flight of fantasy, but is a fly under his control) Mr Rake Cassanova takes to impress your wife. And I am convinced of my reading that a sure sign that your wife is drugged by her lover before sex (once when you have acquired empirical evidence she is cheating), WILL BE HER COMPLAINtS  tHAt SHE FEELS PAIN EVERY tIME YOU tRY tO tAKE HER tO YOUR DRUG-FREE HEAVEN.


So, welcome to a married life, my dear newly-married male friend if you did not know this. But please do not accuse your innocent wife of cheating JUSt BECAUSE SHE FEELS SOME DISCOMFORt.  It would be equally silly if she accused suicidal William of cheating just because hsi head is aching after banging it against a giant metallic fly  complete with pincers (which can happen to us men, particularly Blog Author's type who are habitually distracted, chronically under pressure, and often very strong on the sauce).

But whatever happens to that stupid wife of yours who has got so little brain...definitely too little to build you any family worth half the respect the Phiris command in Africa... do know that all of it will remain the tip of the ice-berg if you leave out of that equation the real sinker for your matrimonial titanic: PRINCESS SHANGINGI. 



No, I may not know how she reasons; still I intend (God willing that my breath and sanity survive the lethalities and ravages the limbwata might have on Male Organism Me to write another post explaining just where she might have stolen her thunder).

PRINCESS SHANGINGI'S RARE ACCEPTABILITY BY THE GREATER SOCIETY.

Like all greats, Princess Shangingi is usually damned, condemned, misunderstood, and feared.  This happens because we collectively lack understanding of this arguably greatest woman.

There is one area though where she comes out with flying colours for most thinking men and women married: Nobody alive today in South Africa has got more faith in her own convictions more than Princess Shangingi.  And that is why she ranks among the top three family advisors in South Africa, rivalled only by religious leadership and newly-weds' own parents.  Not even social workers come any close to Princess Shangingi since social workers try to fix broken families whereas Princess Shangingi will under certain circumstances reinvent herself as the hotbed for future conjugal liaisons from the ashes of any nuptial dodo! Impersonal as ever in her doings for or against what goings-on buzz or snuff for any matrimonial couple her dodo may remain a dodo or just be synonymous to a sphinx.

Furthermore, if in the case of those families that survived the fate of the dodo, she can also be looked upon as not only the cementer of that marriage, but also the midwife in the birth of the nation's best illegitimate babies (who the Zulus refer to as amavezandlebe while blog author would rather have called them 'escapists' them who are statistically the third of all children born in wedlock falsely believed by their fathers to be their own seed).  Where South African folklore goes, the belief strikes the climactic of the comic when it is said that such children are also the best-loved by their gullible fathers.  But why would Nation South Africa need such ‘controversial’ children by 2053 for her national intellectual viability, you ask.

Best spies, intelligence and counter-intelligence material.

Best forwards in the game of soccer and maybe Bafana Bafana may end up dominating the world soccer scene by Year 2053.

Best upper-cut punchers in boxing where the best such punch is best landed on the smallest part called the chin not any smaller or larger than the target of the biological father's punch, if you get my pun.

Best detectives (You send the thief to catch a thief) and why civilized nations still lock up criminals is beyond me when these could be turned law-enforcers non-pareil. I mean, a lion's share of European men who came and did a successful colonization of Africa around the 17th century were ex-convicts or convicts released for the imperial purpose.  Why can't we do the same with Mozambican-born Houdinis like Mr Mathe, the only man known to have escaped C-max, South Africa maximum security prison in Pretoria using... u guessed right... vaseline petroleum jelly for the purpose, we are told. Mathe as a warder would be the first one to inform prison authorities: "Never allow the prisoners any jelly; it has powers of shrinking the head to sizes smaller than the apertures between bars".

Best suckers. I mean, how do you get conned by a married woman to for free donate part of your soul for another family?  Whoever you are who might have donated for the birth of my two Tanzanian children: Watch This Space! It is going to go totally empty one of these days as I repatriate my both of my children and the mother to South Africa one of these days.

Best bloggers. And best feature-writers; best novelists. I mean, it takes novelty in thinking processes to succeed in impregnating someone else's wife, produce a kid, and have the entire family of the woman’s husband embracing such a baby without knowing, bothering or even SUSPECTING the legal father has a need to check the child’s paternity. Yet such novelty is subject to exaggeration: wives who cheat will never do it with a man hugely dissimilar in features to those of the husband, something that love connoisseurs usually refer to as ‘the affinity towards a male type that every woman, like a swallow for her capital compass, always flies by in search for her summers of love’.

Bar the ‘Type Theory’, Princess Shangingi will  in that sense also qualify to be called a  genius!

Mrs Phiri Number-2, born in the Kingdom of Swaziland mother to little girl below. Are all married women then untrustworthy in matters of chastity? (ASK YOURSELF THAT QUESTION IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN FOREVER UNMARRIED AND A COWARDLY MAN WHERE THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT FOR ANY OF YOUR SPECIES (EXCEPT WHERE ONE IS CALLED TO THE SERVICE OF GOD) WOULD BE TO RAISE A FAMILY OF SOUND-MINDED CHILDREN WHETHER THEY CAME THROUGH YOUR OWN SEED OR TO YOUR ASSISTANCE!)

Siswati-speaking Miss Tamara Phiri or Venda-speaking Miss Tamara Khashane? Now I hear with confirmatory evidence that a certain Mr Khashane has been having relations with my second wife probably long before my third-born child was born! Does that bother me about the possibility that the child could well be paternally a Khashane or some other sperm-donating surname? NOT AN IOTA!

THE UGLIER SIDE OF PRINCESS SHANGINGI PER POPULAR CONDEMNATION

Having extolled Princess Shangingi for buttressing family oneness (where I too believe fatherhood is far more important than paternity which is my reason and vow never to take any of my children for paternity tests even though all three of them children have been born under questionable circumstances with my one and only son Maziri leading the quizzical pack by being born to my Tanzanian-resident wife while I was residing in South Africa in 2010) I do know though that Princess Shangingi's other name is Mabuyekwendeni which in the most-spoken language of the country means "She who could not keep her own marriage".

She is also called... and this particularly by the heaviest of Zulu-speaking clickers... Iseqamabhodwe.

It is the Swahili-speakers of Eastern Africa who have christened her “Shangingi” for her penchant with what is perceived as 'the misleading and family-wrecking gossip'.

The closest I can think of her in English is "Tramp" since "Iseqamabhodwe" is the Zulu suggestive word towards her habit of spurning culinary responsibilities for sensual pursuits with men other than her husband.

Whether Princess Shangingi, Mabuyekwendeni, Seqamabhodwe, or Tramp: people in South Africa (and most probably in the rest of the world as well) remain eternally fascinated by 'her sadistic source of main pleasure: the wrecking of young couples' matrimonial lives'.

Popular opprobrium against her in so-called Mzansi centre around her supposed knack for ‘targeting the unsuspecting young bride with a wide range of phials filled with entire cocktails of family poison’.

You take a pick as reader:

1.  "All South African men have no self-restraint in matters of sex and they will grow uncontrollably crazy when they see any vagina of any age"

2.  "All South African men are rapists, including your husband."

3. "All single parents who are men make for bad parents."

4.  "Woman and Wife, All your girl children are never safe with men, including your husband who, left alone, will rape his own daughter from age zero to eternity."

5.  "Husbands and men in general are incapable of taking care of children until the latter rich age-15."

6.  "South African law always sides with the mother and never with the father of a child when it comes to issues custody for the child, Take my word Girl, I am well-experienced Princess Shangingi and that is how I beat Prince Shangingi in Court to bring up my two big girls you so well know."

7.  "To have your husband love you for sure or even perpetually forgive you if she catches you serially cheating, you must consult with a sangoma for some love potion."

For these teachings which are as myth as anybody reading this with sense can tell,  Princess Shangingi        is of course, passionately hated .

Personally, I do not dislike Princess Shangingi for this. I do despise her nonetheless, even though even such contempt on my part comes never without some healthy precaution. The halo effect around Princess Shangingi disallows my concience from writing her off for what warts she suffers from.  The halo she of course earned when she perpetuated an otherwise dead African tradition ku-sabutela which African practice (particularly Swazi and possibly Zulou as well) I hope to dilate upon on my next post.  However, if I would give any advice to any young bride or young brides-to-be, it would be: Never Associate With Princess Shangingi; But If you do, Please Don't Blame Her if Your Marriage Ends up in Tatters Based on her 'Advices'.

Rather, consider BLAMING YOURSELF FOR NOT HAVING HAD FOCUS FOR YOUR MARRIED LIFE.  Why don't you ask yourself the simple question: "How can anybody who failed in her own marriage have jewels in diamond for wisdom to share with a young bride when she herself could not withstand the matrimonial pressure that could have turned her true diamond?"

Princess Shangingi is the personification of the Devil who said to Jesus after the lengthy fast of the latter: "[I will give you everything as far as the eye can see only if you bow to me]"

Wise Jesus is supposed to have to the Devil said: ["How on earth can you give to me that which you do not own?"]

Looked more objectively though, Princess Shangingi stands firm is in the Grand Plan. Man, you will see the true colours of your wife once when Princess Shangingi is through with her or when the latter is through with putting Shangingi in her right place, thoroughly tongue lashed and ostracized by your wife o single-minded about keeping her marriage.

I think we need more Princess Shangingis. We should dedicate a national holiday to Princess Shangingi.  With luck, we may even succeed to sell the holiday to the world that we may have "The International Day for Princess Shangingi The Tramp", pretty much like Mandela Day, I say!

Thank you, Princess Shangingi. You are the litmus test for a solid marriage or otherwise. Without you, there would have been greater numbers of stupid children born to wise husbands.  And 2053 would probably find us nationally and very thoroughly befuddled in seed and deed!