Tuesday, December 25, 2012

MERRY CHRISTMAS MESSRS McDONALDS, JACOB ZUMA AND FACEBOOK CHUMMY SIMON KITURURU

You asked a question if I had survived this 2012 Christmas, but I have doubts for my replies to you, I say!


As for you, I know you are the original survivor, Mr Simon Kitururu!!!


You see, the Americans among other nations read my blogs struggling against a guy called South Africa’s Jacob Zuma and they seem to be saying to me: “MR PHIRI IF YOU WANT POLITICAL ASYLUM AGAINST ZUMA IN THE USA COME OVER”... and I said “GIVE ME A CHANCE TO BEAT THIS GUY UP ON HOME SOIL AFRICA FOR I AIN'T  RUNNER.”


But let us come back to Xmas 2012 which is a day of GIVING and so I bought a few alcoholic beverages for those of my neibours renowned for drinking BUT I AM NOT A RICH GUY AND SO I EXPECTED THEY AT LEAST IN RETURN WOULD COOK UGALI/CORN-MEAL-PORRIDGE that we eat together on this  Christmas, but as the English will say “NOTHING DOING!”


As a result, my family and I were hungry for the best part of this Christmas and I decided to take my wife and our two-year-old daughter to America's Macdonald's in Pretoria and our aim there was to wash our hands before doing anything (inclusive of even ordering food for a Christmas meal).

(You see, most of us South African men “Black” or “White” will as of this Year 2012 wash our Willy after the wee and if we so wish WHEREAS PHIRI IS TRYING TO BE HYGIENIC ENOUGH TO WASH WITH SOAP MY HANDS BEFORE TOUCHING MY WIFE’S THING).

But this branch of MacDonald's did not have a bathroom for a family  which meant I had to wash my hands at the Men's while my wife and two-year-old-daughter together with a neighbour's 8-year-old-daughter had to go to the FEMALE section of the LAVATORY... fair enough.


By the way, I believe all Africans are the same and equal, and I even believe ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE EQUAL.    But on this Christmas there springs up a guy (first I am not xenophobic and are in fact incapable of xenophobia against other Africans seeing that my father comes from Malawi AND is therefore non-native South African) AND HE DAMNS MARCHES ME OUT OF THE TOILET, OUT THE STORE, AND INTO THE STREET FROM USA'S  MACDONALDS.    I cried!!!


The Poor guy who marches Phiri out is a mere guard and Phiri’s  only crime was that I bumped into him in the bathroom while I tried to wash my hands before touching my Willy coz I think it is common sense and basic hygiene to wash your hands in the bathroom before you wee, pee-pee or uninate... and so per my suspicions he must (as a security guy of MacDonalds on Pretoria's Hamilton Street or The Next Street) have watched me coming into the bathroom and and got a surprise why I want to wash my hands BEFORE TOUCHING MR WILLY or EVEN GOING TO DO THE NUMBER 2..   And so this guy/security asks me RIGHT IN THE BATHROOM: "Do you know why you came to MacDonald’s?" (That is where I got his accent he is from Zimbabwe or some other country northwards where my father comes from).


 I told himl: Brother, we are standing here together in readiness to wash our hands and all I was asking of you to ascertain if the soap faucet stands on your side coz I do not believe hands washed with plain water without soap are clean enough.  (When I talked so with him that way I was not aware he was MacDonalds Security member or anything; had thought he is just another gentleman in the bathroom).


 But no sooner did I make my intentions clear that I wanted to wash my hands before touching my wife's toy, THAN HE STARTED TO MARCH ME OUT OF THE BATHROOM, OUT THE MACDONALD'S SHOP AND INTO THE STREET.    He was armed with a baton but I was armed and still AM ARMED VERY LEGALLY will a pistol by a licence of the Republic of South Africa and I could have killed him (the way I was so angry), but I obeyed HIM till he threw me into the street for a crime that till this moment I do not know.

Then I had the new challenge on 2012-Christmas: “How to call my wife out of the Macdonald's for in my absence she and the two children could not eat there because I held all the money’’.

I asked a total stranger in the dark street of Preotoria close to where Mr Jacob Zuma is ensconced for the next seven years as the THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF SOUTH AFRICA VIA THE SUPPORT OF NELSON MANDELA AND HIS XHOSA TRIBE….  and so I asked this Ndebele gentleman from the street to try and see my wife for me (I was going to pay him one USD for the trouble for it).

He got my wife out for me and they rejoined me in the street where I had been thrown and I prepared to move to another branch of MacDonald's.

My wife was naturally surprised no end as to what could have caused the "Zimbabwean" to march me out for no other provocation except Phiri’s request for soap in ordr to washhands before touching Mr Willy and so in that street my wife demanded we go back to the same MacDonald's branch and confront the situation.


I thank her for that because we met a stall manager who was not only understandable (a lady), but someone who also explained to us why the security were maybe on their toes a bit too much around the area.


I DO NOT KNOW WHY I AM WRITING THIS STORY TO YOU, MR SIMON KITUTURU, BUT MAYBE TO REITERATE THAT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF MY MOTHERLAND AFRICA; I SHOULD LIKE TO TAKE ONE OR TEN YEARS AWAY FROM THE CONTINENT WITH MY FAMILY AND GO AND LIVE WITH THE CHINESE, ARABS, EUROPEANS OR WHATEVER OTHER NATION FOR A CHANGE BEFORE I COME BACK COZ MY CRIME THIS CHRISTMASTDAY WITH THE QUERY-ZIMBABWEAN SECURITY GUY WAS THE FACT THAT I HAD SHOWED UP IN A BRANCH OF MACDONALDS'S SERVING MOSTLY NATIVE SOUTH AFRICANS WHO ARE EXPECTED NOT NOT TO WASH HANDS (WHICH I DID) BEFORE URINATING AND HAD I GONE BUY FROM A BRANCH MUCH MORE TO THE EAST AND SERVING NATIVE EUROPEANS I DEFINTELY WOULD HAVE RECEIVED BETTER TREATMENT.


I must tell you one last thing: I CRIED ONCE MORE TIME TODAY!

18 yeaars of exile by Jacob Zuma and his racist-fellow-Ngunis Nelson Mandela, Clarence Makwetu, Oliver Tambo and their 'son-in-law' SANDF Major General Mohato Daniel Mofokeng .(BUT THIS IS IS IN FACT DAUGHTER TO BLOGGER GOODMAN MANYANYA PHIRI LIEUTENANT COLONEL OF SOUTH AFRICA'S SOUTH AFRICAN NATIIONAL DEFENCE FORCE-SANDF GOODMAN MANYANYA PHIRI'S FIRST CHILD UNCONSTITUTIONALLY DENIED BY THE ZUMAS ENTRY TO SOUTH AFRICA JUST BECAUSE PHIRI IS PERCEIVE NON-NGUNI, NON-MANDELA-XHOSA-SPEAKER AND NON-ZUMA-ZULU-SPEAKER)

No comments:

Post a Comment